My Rights

"Rights are where survivors run when they can't handle relationship." says wisdom. "Survivors run to lies to protect them. Lies are a little fortress."

These are some quotes from the book "the shack". It is a fictional work and I try not to pull much theology out of fiction, but sometimes it strikes a deep chord with me and I know that Jesus is elbowing my ribs. "Did you see that? Yeah, that's you." It's a kind ribbing but even still it stings a bit.

I think a lot about my rights. It certainly helps that I was raised by some strong Women's Lib women (bitter man-eaters might be more accurate). This stuff is always tricky because you don't want to miss the central point that prompted the actions of the Women's Lib movement. A very cursory overview of history, makes a strong case that women have not been treated well as a general rule. My own mother made a lower wage at her job just because she was a woman. When she resigned, she was instantly offered the money she should have been making all along. Male chauvinism is not a manufactured ideal. It is very real and still lives a fat life in many cultures around the globe.

But what about my life? I am not my mother and I do not have to live my life waiting for every man to either use me or disrespect me or worse, abandon me. But I have enough of my own scars to make those very real fears. I'm not over-reacting or being a drama queen. Some men have really hurt me. My counselor would easily agree that as a child, I was a survivor and that is to my credit. But that credit comes at such a high cost now as an adult. I don't believe that God has called me to just survive and yet I can look back and see many, many days of just surviving.

Yuck! But this connection between rights and surviving is intriguing to me. As Americans, we are very "rights" oriented. Years ago (1992) there was a college student at Berkeley that went to class everyday naked. (He was called "the naked guy") He didn't like clothes, so he just showed up naked. It was on the news and he continued going to class everyday naked because he wasn't technically breaking any rules. However, during his second semester of nakedness, he was finally kicked off campus. Why? Because a female student filed a sexual harassment claim against him because she had to sit next to him in class while he was naked. This eventually prompted Berkeley to pass a law that you need to wear clothes. That is ridiculous! But it's a good example of how focused we are on our rights. He had the right to be naked until it infringed upon someone else's rights.

But, once again, what about my life? Jesus tells us over and over again we will find our life by loosing our life. He says to be the greatest is to be the least. He tells us we need to take up our cross daily and follow him. It goes on and on about how much it is not about us and how important a soft and pliable heart is to the Maker. That seems in stark comparison to someone demanding their rights. And yet, if you have never had a voice and you're feelings have been largely invalidated your entire life, do you even have a life to lay down? This new revelation helps me understand I've been living the Christian life largely by duty and obedience but without the peace that passes understanding. I get tastes of the peace sometimes. It is so sweet when the internal dialog in my head shuts up! But it seems so fleeting.

I had it for a few months this summer and I am fighting to get back there again. It's clear to me that I grew up believing I was a victim. (Probably because I was.) But I don't have to be anymore. But when all you have known is slavery, freedom doesn't really make much sense. If you have been blind your whole life and suddenly get your sight, you don't all of sudden understand everything you can see. In fact, a blind person will need to touch things and then make the association that this is what an apple looks like but he only knows that because he is touching it. The seeing world can barely grasp that idea because seeing is all we have known.

Galatians 5:1 is very clear:
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.(A) Stand firm,(B) then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.(C

Christ has done the work. We are free on paper. But so were the Israelites and they needed 40 years in the desert with daily water, manna and quail directly from the hand of God to overcome 400 years of slavery in Egypt before they could walk in their freedom. Even once we take up this freedom we are commanded to stand firm because our natural tendency will be to go back. Go back to Egypt. Go back to the yoke of slavery. Go back to being a victim and just surviving.

"Survivors run to lies to protect themselves." I am not a victim, though sometimes I am victimized because the world is broken and my friends are sinners, just like me. "Rights are where survivors run when they can't handle relationship." Demanding my rights is not wrong or evil, but it may not be God's will. We see Paul being beaten and falsely imprisoned over and over again, but at one point he evokes his rights as a Roman citizen. Why just that one time? Why not use that right as a sledge hammer for every closed door? I don't know. But clearly there is a time to evoke our rights. I don't want to throw away concepts like fighting for equal pay for equal work, but I also don't want to mistrust and feel afraid of every man I work with.

But on a more personal level, I just want to follow Jesus. Only He knows when I am supposed to fight for my rights vs lay them down. Only He sees the ways I am dying to myself for the sake of unity and those I love. "My salvation, my Honor depend on God. Ps 62:7. I want to run to God, not my rights to protect me. I want to stay in the messiness of working through relationships (actually I don't, but by faith I am trying). But I also want to give myself the grace to do this really poorly. Because that's probably all I can actually do. It is a foreign language to me. I am much more comfortable with spreadsheets and project lists and linear thinking. These things, however, are not the building blocks of relationships.

But here is what I don't understand. I have a lot of friends who really love me and who I really love. So how did that happen? If the language of relationships feels that foreign to me, why am I so rich relationally? That is very confusing to me. Perhaps the topic of a future blog.

But for now, I will lay down my rights by my choice. No one takes them from me. I lay them down. This is what Jesus also modeled for us. He could have said no to the cross. He even asked for that option, but He chose to lay down His sinless life for me, a sinner. That is love. That is the kind of love I want in my life and the kind of love I want to give others. I have fought for my rights and the rights of others for many years. Sometimes I even win. But even when I win, I still don't feel at peace. Rights don't make you feel safe at night and rock you to sleep. but love does. When I let the love come and rest my head on my Savior's chest and stop fighting, I actually feel at peace. Initially it is often a sad peace, but it eventually turns to just peace. It's as if something has to die each time for me get back to the place of peace. Perhaps my castle metaphor is starting to reveal itself as a castle of rights. My rights have been my strong tower rather than my God. As we often say to our children when they seem to have the same problem come up over and over again "How's that working for you?" Not so good.

Today I will choose God.