Why does the sight of a little yellow finch on my thistle feeder bring me such joy? I don't know but it feels like an extra special gift from God some mornings. Thankfully, I have my bird room back! I just love the mornings and sitting here enjoying the birds and my garden and talking to Jesus. Thank you God for beauty.
Grad school continues to be wonderful. Every class, every lesson seems completely applicable to my life. This last week I was starting to dive into some deep emotional wounds of abuse at a young age and we are studying Job. How sweet is that? I am overwhelmed by my God's kindness and that is a good place to be.
So what is Step 2? Let God rewrite the script. I have been telling my teenagers for years that if you say "yes" to something, it means you must say "no" to something else. We can not do it all. So as I've dreamt and sat and waited, God has started to write the new script.
It started with an email while I was on vacation in FL. Habitat asked if I would come in for an interview. Great! I love Habitat and have volunteered with them for years, but I didn't apply for anything, so it seemed odd to be asked to come in for an interview. In fact, I couldn't really figure out what they could possibly even offer me. But I went in and God did something amazing. They offered me the Volunteer Coordinator Position which might be the best use of my skill set than any job I've ever had. It is also part-time, so I can still do grad school and my mom stuff. But they also really wanted someone who saw this as a ministry and not just a job. I almost cried at that comment. After working at Panera for a year, I so did not want a job anymore. I wanted to be part of shaping and helping a ministry change lives. Habitat does that and this was an amazing opportunity that literally fell from the sky from my Father in heaven who knows how to give good gifts to His children. And then it got better: "When do you want to work and how much do you want to make?" Really? No way!
It's been 4 months now and I greatly enjoy this ministry, the people and getting paid a fair wage. Thank you Jesus!
But wait there is more. I've also started a non-profit for my Women's Wilderness Program in the Smokies. God has been so gracious to bring that together in ways that are blessing me more than I thought possible. On another front, an old friend initiated with me and I feel hope that the brokenness in that relationship is beginning to find healing. Back at home, my Dad continues to be the most supportive and gracious and humble man I know as He continues to care for my mom. His transformation alone is enough to convince me that "nothing is too difficult for thee."
But what about my dreams and all the things I was working towards for the past 20 years? Perhaps my vision was too small. Perhaps I am like C.S. Lewis says "too content to play with mud pies, when a holiday at the sea is being offered to me."
I would like the holiday at the sea now. It tastes like freedom and peace. It tastes good. I can wake up in the morning and pray for things that come to my mind instead of argue with them. That feels wonderful. I am not on fire anymore and yet I feel more passionate about God and caring for others than I have for a long time. And then there is hope. No soul lives long without hope. Hope brings the color back to life and joy to weary bones. I like hope.
I don't know what Step 3 looks like other than enjoying what God is doing. I will live here for awhile and soak it up!
