When Love is Lying

I am a truth teller. All my life, even before Christ, I was going to tell you the truth, even it hurt. I think there is something beautiful about being willing to say hard things, but like many character qualities, there is a back side. Sometimes, I've used truth to protect myself. It allows me to hide behind the line "hey, I'm just telling you the truth," as if that absolves me of my responsibility to love.

I Cor 13: 1-3 is pretty clear that knowledge, prophecy and even the tongues of men and angels are not greater than love. So when is truth loving? John 1:14 tells us that Jesus was full of grace and truth. So truth has to be balanced and perhaps even metered out with grace. Proverbs 25:11 tells us that a word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver. To aptly speak something is to find not only the right thing to say, but to consider the timing of when to say it as well.

I am not an advocate of avoiding hard things. I think a lot of hurt is doled out when we duck and cover to save our own ass. But can love manifest itself in lying? I even stumble over the ten commandments at that point. Do not bear false witness. It's all very complicated at best.

My mother is visiting with us this week. She has Alzheimer's and is completely dependent on us to accomplish even the simplest task of brushing her hair with her comb and not her toothbrush. Alzheimer's is a terrible disease that leaves it's victim more and more afraid and helpless as they become more disoriented. Short term memory becomes almost non-existent over time. They can laugh one moment and cry the next as fear seizes them.

Of course she is just visiting and to you and I that is by nature a temporary situation. But not to her. She seems fine and enjoying the grandkids and then suddenly, she cries and wants to go home. So because I love her, I tell her I will take her home tomorrow even though I am not going to take her home till next week. I am amazed how hard it is for me to lie to her. It feels like petting a dog the wrong way.

But it also reveals to me, my own fear of being lied to. I think a small voice has persistently told me over the course of my life that no one really likes me; they just put up with me. I have become aware of it because I ask my friends if they enjoy me sometimes. They always look as me strangely as if to say "Yes, duh!" but I am amazed how much I need to know the answer to that question. Becoming what God intended has required me to take the time to answer some of these gnawing questions, even if it means risking some strange looks. I will take strange looks over feeling lonely and unloved any day of the week.

So does God want us to lie? As a general rule; no. He is pretty clear about that, but will the occasion arise when lying is loving? Yes. This is probably why we were not only given the Word of God but the Holy Spirit as well to be our counselor. There always seems to be an exception to the rules. God doesn't want rigid rule followers. He wants soft, pliable hearts that will love no matter the cost.

Help me Jesus to love.